1. Fuck the Hart Hall ghost
2. Fall into the vile Waterfowl swamp on your 19th birthday
3. Drink Faxe because you’re too poor to drink anything else
4. Get hooked on cigarettes
5. Lose a piece of clothing in every residence
6. Get as many free drinks as possible
7. Get banned from at least three of the downtown establishments at one time
8. A whole box of wine
9. Pass out in a stranger’s room
10. Piss in a trashcan
11. Piss in the Windsor Hall fire escape
12. Piss in the Windsor Hall elevator
13. Piss on your roommate
14. Tongue-kiss BA Johnston at a BA Johnston show
15. Make all the landlords in town hate you
16. Swim in the Swan Pond
17. Kill two swans
18. Legally change your name to “John Belushi The College Man”
19. Become a Sassy’s regular
20. Win it all at the Uncle Larry’s VLTs
21. Walk to the liquor store in a blizzard
22. Go on a bender during the strike
23. Underpay your friend to drive you to the airport
24. Just try the tatertot casserole
25. Watch your friend puke at meal hall
26. Jerk off in the library bathroom
27. Don’t bother showing up to a final exam
28. Poop in every building on campus (and in town if you can)
29. Drink so much coffee you have a mental breakdown
30. Take study drugs, nature’s coffee
31. Go to an exam after not attending a class for the entire semester
32. Vomit in every residence
33. Do a chin-up in every door frame on campus
34. Green out
35. See a picture of yourself before meal hall and cry
36. Eat eight chicken burgers in one sitting
37. Break something in Windsor Hall
38. Argue your way out of a residence fine
39. Argue your way out of a police fine
40. Steal a funnel from a house party
41. Go to SappyFest. Seriously, it rules
42. Do psychedelic drugs and accidently become a nihilist
43. Get a drunk stick-and-poke tattoo of a meme that will lose relevancy in a week
44. Get a free Bob Marley poster from your weed dealer
45. Lose your dignity on the dancefloor
46. Hit the bucket
47. Slur your way through a Goya’s order at 3 a.m.
48. Stick around for reading week
49. Go to class hung over
50. Skip meals because you’re studying
51. Neglect your health entirely during finals
52. Incur crippling debt
53. Start referring to movies as “film”
54. Get into the band Godspeed You! Black Emperor
55. Start hating the band Godspeed You! Black Emperor
56. Throw a street sign into the quarry
57. Go to the Fuck Cancer party so you can stand out front and smoke cigarettes all night
58. Grow to hate your roommates
59. Grow to hate everything
60. Go through ego death
61. Get caught listening to some douchebag ramble on about Marxism at a house party
62. Get drunk on a roof
63. Do a 5th year
64. Do a 6th year
65. Graduate, I guess
66. Reflect on your complete lack of employability
67. Get a new wardrobe to fit the #Trends
68. Go to the campus pub once and then never go back again if you can help it
69. Discover it is possible to survive for two weeks with 46 cents in your bank account
70. Give every single person on campus a nickname
71. Walk out to a show at George’s (they still happen once in a while)
72. Convince everyone you can that your name is Li’l Jeb at a house party
73. Get blackout drunk on free wine at an art opening
74. Kick everyone out of a house party by blasting LCD Soundsystem’s “Damce Yrself Clean” (It’s the perfect ‘Get the fuck out of my house’ song)
75. #FindYourself
