Fourth Year Don’t Care: a medical case study

Also known as:

Senioritis, And Doneis with Thisus.

Symptoms:

This disease often presents itself to students who are within four to 10 months of graduation, and can last for an indeterminate amount of time. Symptoms include a significant lack of self-motivation, increased apathy, irregular drinking patterns, and is accompanied by vocal refrains of “fourth year, don’t care” (from which the disease derives its name). Cases may vary in severity, with the worst cases causing severe lethargic behaviour in students, and the more mild cases causing momentary lapses in attention, and bouts of nostalgia.

Medical History:

The first recorded subject was a young man by the name of S.C. Rewthis, who was said to have run naked through the men’s residence at his university, heavily intoxicated, throwing pages of his thesis into the air as he went. He was said to be shouting unintelligible limericks as he went, although this is the only reporting of any such symptom, and may have simply been a facet of Rewthis’ personality.

Although he was eventually apprehended and forced into clothing, Rewthis spent the remainder of his time at university on probation, and was said to be increasingly melancholic as the year progressed, prone to sighs and mutterings of “I am so over this.” The disease was first documented at Mount Allison approximately three years after the school opened.

Treatments:

Currently, there is no known cure to this ailment. There are several treatments available, including a swift kick in the pants or an intense guilt-trip phone call from mom, though these have only reported moderate success. Extreme cases may result in the second stage of the disease, “Fifth year, forget it.”

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